hahaha. Jokes :D [but very lame one lahhs]

I Go Down In Flames

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It’s a beautiful day and love is in the air.Marie leans over to Pierre and says: ‘Pierre, kiss me!’ Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie’s lips.‘What are you doing, Pierre?’, says the startled Marie.‘I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, ‘Pierre, kiss me lower.’Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.‘Pierre! What are you doing?’, asks the bewildered Marie.‘I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!’They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, ‘Pierre, kiss me lower!’Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, ‘PIERRE, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?’Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, ‘I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!’

I Thought We Were Pretty Good Friends

One day, a large group of people is waiting for the bus at a local Greyhound station. At the front of the line is a very attractive woman dressed in a black business vest, white blouse, leather miniskirt, and high heels.As the bus pulls up and opens the door, she goes to board it, but finds that her skirt is too tight for her to raise her leg to the required height. Looking around and thinking quickly, she reaches behind her and undoes the zipper on the back of her skirt a little and then tries again.Again, she finds that she cannot manage the step, so once more she reaches behind her and unzips her skirt a little more. With a smile, she looks at the bus driver and tries to board again. She finds that she still can’t step that high and so with exasperation and a sigh she unzips her skirt the rest of the way down. To her amazement, her leg still will not reach the bottom step.Finally, a very large Texan behind her gently grabs her by the waist, lifts her up, and places her on the bus.The woman turns to the Texan furious and says, “Who do you think you are to touch my body in that way? I don’t even know you!”The Texan looks at her and replies, “Well, ma’am, after you unzipped my fly I thought we were pretty good friends.”

Studying

A beautiful female college student has an exam the next day. Knowing that she will fail, she went to her professor’s office.“Professor, I would do anything to pass this exam,” she said, “Anything you want.”Upon saying this, she looked at the professor seductively and starts unbuttoning the first button of her shirt.“Anything?”, the professor asked.“Yes, ANYTHING!” was her reply.She then unbutton-ed the second button of her shirt.“Well…”, the professor muttered.She flipped her hair back and unbutton-ed her third button.The professor whispers, “Really anything?”She smiles seductively, “Yes, anything you want…any…thing..*pant* *pant*”The professor gazed into her eyes and whispered, “Would you…..study?”

"I FIRED MY SECRETARY!!"

Two weeks ago, was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn’t feeling too hot that morning anyway. I went into breakfast, knowing my wife would be pleasant and say Happy Birthday and probably have a present for me.
She didn’t even say Good Morning, let alone any Happy Birthday. I said, well, that’s wives for you. The children will remember. The children came into breakfast and didn’t say a word.
When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, “Good Morning, Boss, Happy Birthday.” And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.
I worked until noon. About noon Janet knocked on my door and said, “You know it’s such a beautiful day outside and it’s your birthday, let’s go to lunch, just you and me.”
I said, “By George, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go.”
We went to lunch. We didn’t go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.
On the way back to the office, she said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day. We don’t need to go back to the office. Do we?”
I said, “No, I guess not.”
She said, “Let’s go to my apartment.”
After arriving at her apartment, we had another martini and smoked a cigarette and she said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable.”
“Sure,” I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and in about six minutes, she came out… … carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife and children. All were singing Happy Birthday.
… and there on the couch I sat… … with nothing on but my socks… …and *that’s* why I fired my secretary!

WHY MEN CANT BE ADVICE COLUMN WRITERS

Dear Walter:
I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn’t gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady f#^king like rabbits. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for twelve years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that he’d been having an affair for the past six months.
I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don’t feel I can get through to him anymore.
Can you please help?
Sincerely,Mrs. Sheila Usk

Dear Sheila:
A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inlet manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.
I hope this helps.
-Walter

[the mainpoint wasn't even because the car broke down!!!]

yay! :D lols. Credits to Jokerhut & Cow Family Blog (:

all i can say abt today is that my hair was being turned into xiaozhabor hair by pris, wangxang, q.g and toby =( my poor hair.

and geog test!!! I wrote lotsa crap, that's why i finish so early and slept for like 15 minutes. I confirm fail liao lah =(

anddd! today we watch finish to kill a mockingbird and it's damn nice!!! I wish Tom Robinson didn't die, he's damn nice lehh! Stupid Mayella and Bob Ewell. Seriously lahh! She so ugly also can kena rape?!? wth. ohoh. Now we have a "Boo Radley FanClub" :D haha. Boo is just so cuteeeee!(: and he's so innocent and nice! Jem also damn cuteee(:

but Scout's the best lahh (: She superrrrrrr CUTE :D

I did some *ahem* character research and it turns out that all of them quite old liaos. The youngest is Dill. [but he has passed on due to AIDS] He's damn cute can! Mouth so big, and so small size! and Scout [she's 55 this year] yupp, but still i love this show :D

TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD ROCKS! :D
LOVES:
Scout!
Jem!
Boo!
Atticus!
Tom!
Calpurnia!

YAY (: