DEPRESSED :(

Study study study until dieee~

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So just like that, the September holidays are over. GP Promo is just 4 days away and my first H2 paper will be approx 11 days. Am I prepared?? FUCKING NO!\

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I've really been trying hard to study this holidays and to a certain extent, I really did study but it's just not enough!! I'm so bloody pissed with myself for wasting like, 2 or 3 days??? I can't stand the way I'm so ill-disciplined. I just can't control myself, once I on the com & the internet, time just fly by so quickly and it's so annoying because I really do restrict myself from using the com but when I really need to use it my whole day is gone :((( Why does time fly past so quickly when I'm actually studying??? It just seems like there's never enough time for me :( K shit I feel so damn depressed now. School starts tomorrow and all I want is to stay home till the start of my exams because despite all the above, studying at home is still the most productive (when I don't on my laptop) Arghhh I know I can do it but why do I give up so easily, why am I so easily distracted with everything that's going on around me??? 

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People all think I'm okay just because there's a big smile on my face every single day but once people are not around me that smile immediately disappears, I'm so fucking scared of being retained I really don't want to!!! I know it looks like I don't really care and I'm not trying but right now? I really am. Sigh now I just feel so down and angry and depressed with myself, I wish somebody will just shoot me died right now. My mood swings are getting worse everyday, I really don't want to go to school tomorrow :(((

Don't you just wish to die and go to heaven for awhile just to get rid of all the shit that's happening around you??? That's how I feel every single day now. FML :(

XOXO