When everything seems so black & you just feel like caving in 

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This is probably me nowadays

This is gonna be a wordy post again so it'll get boring ~

Ever since Term 3 started I've been trying to be a goodgirl94 and study hard but why isn't it reflecting in my grades? K yeah it isn't my 100% yet but at least I've been putting in effort I guess. Been sleeping @ 3AM on average everyday and I think it's starting to take a toll on me, mentally. 

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I don't know what has gotten into me; Maybe it's cos I'm actually studying now & the stress is making me ... stressed. Or maybe it's cos I've been menstruating for the entire month now. But anyway whatever the reason, I'm really not how I'm like compared to the first 2 terms. I feel so angsty & sensitive every single day, any small thing people say and I'll get all offended already. Everyday when I wake up I'm in such a bad mood that I feel angry at everyone. Any small thing that doesn't go my way immediately spoils my mood and I'll just have this damn black face and start snapping at everyone around me. I'm throwing tantrums at people I love for teeny weeny stuffs. One moment I feel normal again then when I think about promos and the prospect of retaining I get upset with the whole world again. What have become of me??? This isn't me at all man. No matter how bad my days were I still managed to stay happy-go-lucky but now ... :( 

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I feel so guilty towards my friends and parents. I've been so difficult with everyone recently I feel like such a bitch man. I've been getting pissed off with small, insignificant things and swearing vulgarities like nobody's business everyday. I've become rude to the people I love just because I was in a bad mood and didn't feel like talking. I'm shouting at people more and more. I know to everyone I still seem normal cos my face isn't black 24/7 and I still act like I'm normal but that's just a mask I guess. Somehow I still manage to smile my way through school. I think I've said this already but I will say it again: I'M GETTING PISSED OFF WITH ALMOST EVERYTHING. This is bad, really bad. I didn't used to be like this at all. Okay well was like that when I'm stressed but I guess I was never frequently stressed in the past. I'm so thankful for my dear 11 sharks, they really make my day everyday :') Even though I still get pissed off in class and stuffs but somehow they always manage to cheer me up without even knowing it. I can be in such a bad mood but then one of them will start doing/saying something retarded then I'll just join in and forget about all my troubles for awhile. 

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The Starry Night - Vincent Van Gogh (Re-made using only paper)

K that's all for my ranting now. 

On a happier note, TGIF!!! Don't even know how I survived this week, what with the 4 bloody tests and my foul mood. School dismisses at 12.15PM and I only have 1 hour of Econs (Y) Gonna head down to UrbanWrite after that to get my MILDLINER Highlighters, I really like them a lot hehe. 

Shall end off with something that I love very much. This has got to be my absolute favorite painting of Vincent Van Gogh, has been since we drew it in primary school :-) Probably one of my hardest artworks ever so until now I still remember this picture haha. 

I'm really tired now I guess I'll go sleep now, tonight's gonna be the earliest I've slept this week lol. Goodnight!

XOXO