Econs ah Econs :(

Credits: Raey 

So I was reading Raey's blog and saw that she posted up the Vodka picture so I'm kupping it here hehe. I really can't get enough of the picture man, the effect is just so beautiful. Makes the Vodka bottle come alive *.* 

I'm pretty excited about Friday. Not because of the A levels results, I don't want to go there and realize that one year from then, it will be me & my batch receiving our results. Let's not go there now. Gonna have a cool surprise on Friday, I really can't wait to try them! Will post it here after that ;) 

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But that's not the point of this post. 

I know I'm supposed to be mugging for the Econs Essay Test tomorrow but I just feel like I can't concentrate without getting this off my chest. (Besides, I gotta wait for my Adobe Acrobat Reader to download finish so I can read the essays -.-) So yeah, have you ever felt like no matter how hard you try, you'll just never be good enough?? I'm not usually the kind who feels this way. People's perception of me will always be "Oh Isabel, that happy-go-lucky girl, with not a care of the world" or that bimbo and blah blah blah. Okay that's for a completely different post but it bugs me anyway. Moving on. 

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Things have always come easy to me and academics were never a very hard thing for me but that was such a long time ago. Usually when I put in a little effort, I see results. And when I give my best, I see results as well but nowadays it seems like no matter how hard I try, I just don't see any results at all. This probably only applies to Econs but stillll it's really bugging me :( TCM says I'm still the same, inattentive Isabel from last year but I'm really trying to be a better person!! I try so hard for Econs but it just never seems to be enough man. The people around me don't seem to see me putting in any effort at all and it's so frustrating because I really don't want people to know me and judge me solely based on the person I was last year. I'm so different from who I used to be a 6 years ago and I just find it so sad that most people never got to see the real me last time. They only know me for who I've become now and I honestly I don't even know what kind of person I've turned into now. I feel like there's so many sides of me now that sometimes, I don't even know and a lot of times I guess people just take me as a joke to laugh at. People never take me seriously at all, even when I am being serious and a lot of times I don't even think they expect me to have a bright future at all. I don't usually dwell on such stuffs but sometimes when everything suddenly becomes too much, I just feel so overwhelmed by everything. Sometimes I just wish I could disappear in to thin air so that I won't have to face all this crap anymore. People think I'm some social butterfly who knows everyone and is friends with everyone but sometimes I really wonder if all of them are my true friends. Lol now I'm just mixing everything up but it sure feels good to just release all my thoughts and feelings that I've been keeping in me for so long. 

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Short side track though: 

YAY I GOT C FOR CHEM TEST!!! 

Half mark more to B though, more determined than ever to hit that B during the next test! Got second highest in class. For that short moment, I felt so happy and good. Like y'know that yay-I'm-finally-passing feeling and I really hope that will stay for good. It just feels so good knowing that I have changed my ways and it's things like this that give me a flicker of hope but then I go for Econs class and everything is back to square one again -.- Sigh. Back to econs now, I really want to pass tomorrow's test but I don't think I will. Econs is never predictable man. Plus there's gonna be 3 hours of it tomorrow argh. Every single day I complain about Econs, I'm such a whiny bitch lol. Ahhh heck, tomorrow's gonna be a bad day so Friday please quickly come!!! 

XOXO